Friday, June 29, 2007

I am that I am

I had a thought: MySpace, Facebook, Xanga, all blogging, editorials, etc., etc., all point to our beling like God. He said, "I am that I am." He was telling us who, what, he was, is. That's what we're doing, I think, when we're letting everyone into our lives with our posts.
Just a thought. (Of course, God is much more profound than we are, but then, He's God.)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Caroline

Tomorrow Caroline will be six months old. It seems as if she has always been in my life. Sweet darling. Saturday she leaves for Houston.
Oh the pain.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Appreciation

I like it when I've planned on doing something and it gets canceled. That kind of happened today. And I liked it.
It's a 'serendipity', if I may call it that. And it let me have a late lunch with three of my favorite people: Will, Laura and Bailey. They are a whole generation away from me . . . but they treat me as if I mattered. Not just an 'old lady'. I appreciate that more than they know.

And I appreciate a man named Sam. He entered my life a lifetime ago. We have been through so much. Tomorrow we go to a place where our lives were enriched more than we ever thought they would be. Chattanooga, Oklahoma is a little town in southwest Oklahoma. The people there are perhaps the best people in the world. No. 'Perhaps' should be omitted from that sentence. They ARE the best people in the world. At least they were from 1986 to 1990. We lived there then. We didn't know what we had until we left. Now we know. Now we appreciate.

Appreciation is underrated. It is a kind of salve. When I realize how much I appreciate someone, something, or some place, I have a warm feeling in my insides. I have that now - for Will, Laura, Bailey, Sam, and First Baptist Church, Chattanooga, Oklahoma.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Black beans and rice!

I lived in Brazil for almost 3 years. That's where I learned about black beans and rice. Every single day those folks would have them. Mmm. I know why. It's yum. Add some diced tomatoes and onions in oil and vinegar - it's a meal. Oh, and fry some bananas - just peel 'em and fry them in hot butter - yum.
I'm cooking that up tonight for supper, with some potato salad and some collard greens (that is so Brazilian). Oh and I'm cooking some smoked sausage - since most people think you have to have some meat at every meal. And putting out some olives, and some wheat rolls.
Mmm. My mouth is watering.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Big Day Today

It's Father's Day - AND my sweet honey's and my 29th wedding anniversary.
We're gonna celebrate big time . . . though we haven't quite decided how. Part of the fun in celebrating is deciding how to celebrate.

And thinking about deciding on how to celebrate is also fun.

I'm sitting here having fun.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Sigmund and Paris

Last night I watched a biography of Sigmund Freud, the founder of modern psychology. Talk about a weird person. Interesting that he was lauded so much.
The older I get the weirder people who are lauded, who are celebrities, seem to get. Well, in my mind, anyway. They’re just folks. Human. With frailty. Some with extreme frailty, and some with extreme idiosyncracy.
Freud became a big celebrity. He was considered a ‘mystical guru’. As I watch this, and as I remember reading about him, he seems really bizarre. His celebrity-dom was really quite ridiculous. Fortunately his influence is waning - indeed, he is becoming a ‘non-influencer’.
Good.

That makes me think of Paris Hilton. Poor thing. Vain, shallow, talentless, albeit rich celebrity. She's saying that she is finding God now. That has become like a punch line in a joke. Well, I'm not laughing. The bottom is where we all begin thinking maybe there IS something more. Something besides the facade of the here and now. Yeah. Go Paris.

Hmm. Having some free time to think - is nice.

Monday, June 11, 2007

I Feel Good

I feel pretty rested now after my big weekend.
And in an hour and a half I will feel REALLY rested. mm. In 30 minutes I get an hour massage at Massage Envy next to Borders book store near Market Street. John Huffman, my dear nephew-in-law, gave it to me as a sign of his appreciation for letting me (and Sam) keep him, his wife, Elizabeth (my niece), and 5 month-old Caroline for six weeks. How sweet is that? VERY sweet.
Mondays are good days for massages. Especially after big weekends. Just thinking about it makes me feel good. mm. And of course writing about it makes me feel good.
I FEEL GOOD.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

The Party's Over

I'm convinced. Ordering pizza is the way to have a party. Just the word 'pizza' means party. It also means 'totally casual' which is how I like my parties.
I also like my parties to be over. It is amazing how exhausting it is to be 'on' the whole time. And my being 'on' is probably more exhausting than other people's being 'on'. I mean I have to FEEL for everyone. (Some people call that 'codependency'.) And I have to make sure they're all having the best time they've ever had at a party. They have to feel glorious. And if I get the vibe that they do not feel glorious, then I have to turn up my 'on' switch even stronger. If that doesn't work, well, I'm a complete failure at life.

You can see how this is so exhausting.

Well, now I've retired for the evening and am reveling in knowing that everyone acted as if they felt glorious. That makes me feel glorious. . . well, until I think about it all being only an act and maybe they were actually noticing the dust on the shelves that told the truth after all - I'm not the perfect person they thought I was.

I get ridiculous, I know. ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS.

Well, I least now I know it's ridiculous!!!

Actually I'm feeling pretty fine right about now. I'll go put on my pajamas . . . while continuing to enjoy the fact that THE PARTY'S OVER!

(In case you're reading this and you're thinking you weren't invited to this party. Not to worry, it was for my relatives on my dad's side of the family. . . . Hmm. There you see, I'm FEELING for you, the reader. I know, that can be a good thing. But for some of us folks, it can be DEBILITATING. Yeah, you (I) live your life for everyone but YOU, (ME))

I'm gonna go to bed. I'll do that for myself.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Saturday mornings

I love Saturday mornings. Like holidays, they give permission to turn off the work-sign and play a little. LIke go get donuts for breakfast. And let the stinky towels start to ferment. Monday's good for them.
The house is quiet now. I smell my Kenya coffee, and feel my hairy legs on the ottoman. For now I will just breathe in and out and sip the coffee. Then slowly I'll get up and change to go to the donut shop. mm
Saturday mornings are so sweet. mm
Thank you, Lord.