Thursday, January 10, 2008

Jean Bean. . .

You just never know where the mind is going to take you.

Yesterday I began thinking about my childhood and how my mother would come in every night and kiss me good night. I could always smell coffee on her breath. Now when I smell coffee-breath I always feel a certain comfort.
Then that got me to thinking about my mother’s arms and how smooth they were - and still are. And my Granddaddy Earl’s bowed legs and how he kind of rocked side to side when we walked. And then I thought of my Grandmother Jennie’s hands and how I liked them, just because they were hers. Somehow all this thinking made me feel comfort. And then I got to thinking that maybe I was needing some comfort.
This time of year I grieve still. It has been almost 19 years since my Jean Bean died. She was my identical twin. My ‘other self’. I always called her Jean Bean. (She was Peggy Jean and I was (am) Nancy Jane). Anyway, I think about her everyday . Really. Every single day. They’re not sad thoughts, though, usually. Just thoughts. It’s like she’s always with me. And I often dream about her at night.
Monday was our birthday. My birthday is usually a fun day for me - because it’s my birthday . . .and yet, it is a sad day, too, because it was OUR birthday.
But you know, I wouldn’t give anything for being a twin to her. What a wonderful life I’ve had - being a twin. And the day of her funeral I ‘accidently’ woke up really early and just randomly opened the Gideon Bible in the hotel and this is what I read, ”My breath is corrupt, my days are extinct, the graves are ready for me.” Job 17:1. And I felt God hugging me so tightly.
I am so thankful for His presence. . . and for letting me be Peggy’s twin.

I just thought I’d say all that.


Unknown said...

I'm glad you shared that. It's easy to forget that your b-day was more than just yours. I cannot believe it has been 19 years; cannot believe that. I am sure it has felt both terribly long at times and like a moment at other times. Thinking of you. J

laura said...

haha. yeah, i could paint, and i HAVE painted walls before, on many a high school mission trip. i just don't feel like it. i might paint it this summer when sarah moves all of her furniture out.

Elizabeth H. said...

This brought tears to my eyes... I think of her every day too. I cannot believe its been 19 years because it feels like an eternity, and just yesterday at the same time.

Lordy Lordy, Look Who's Forty!!!

It's Cap!!! His mother was my identical twin, so he is MORE than a nephew to me. And he was (is) the first grandchild of my parents (and...