Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
Because he was a little shellfish.
What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
My friend's carpooling buddy Ronnie always gets sick as they're driving through tunnels.
He went to the doctor and it turns out he has Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Here are some actual quotes:
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
- Marion Barry, Mayor, Washington, D.C.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
- Winston Bennett
"I don't even know what street Canada is on."
- Al Capone