You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, "Are you comfortable?" The man answers, "I make a nice living."
This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered french toast in the renaissance.
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
- Erma Bombeck