"You can lead a man to congress but you can't make him think."
- Milton Berle
“I’ve realized you can use a fork as a spoon if you use it rapidly enough.”
- John Mayer
"A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead."
- Stan Laurel
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’”
- Tommy Cooper