Monday, September 5, 2016

Monday Funday...

It is actually Labor Day today!
I couldn't find any Labor Day sillies, but some of these just might fit....
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What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.

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I told my friend that my wife and I had a huge argument and she left for the Caribbean.
"Jamaica?" he asked.
"No," I replied, "she went of her own accord.”

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A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds. One cold evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its beak sitting in his favorite chair.

On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin while in the kitchen his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found.

The furious spouse strode over to where his wife was toweling down the cold little bird.

"I can't take it any more! We've got to get rid of all of these darn..."

The wife held up her hand to cut him off in mid-curse. "Please dear," she said, "not in front of the chilled wren.”

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A gentleman enters a restaurant and asks the waitress what was on special.
She replied, "Today we have lobster tales for 50 cents."

He said, "I'll take a dozen!"

She told him since it was a special he would have to pay in advance which he did.
Then she said, "Are you ready for your first tale?"

He assured her he couldn't wait. Then she began... "Once upon a time there was this little lobster....."

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I'm kind of tired of being an amateur crastinater...
I’m thinking of turning pro, but I'm going to put that decision off for awhile.

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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!".

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Q:Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

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A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy…"


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I hope some of those made you at least smile...
or groan.

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Happy Monday/Labor Day!!!

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